Question from reader: Religious wedding?

Greetings! This question was emailed to feenx files. See the question and my reply below, and please be encouraged to respond to this reader.

From B.D.:
Just wanted to through this question out there into the vast abyss of people with prior knowledge and or experience. I am recently engaged with Wedding plans slow to start. In the back of my mind I know I do not want to get married in a place of worship because I have recently falled away from my original faith (basic Christianity). My Fiance used to be a Catholic but he too has fallen away from any organized religion. MY QUESTION IS..... Do we respect the religions our parents bestowed upon us (or pressed on us) by incorporating their religious ideas or should we just make it our time. I am voting for the latter of the two but am also not quite sure how to discuss the topic with our parents. Any suggestions?

feenx reply:
Dear B.D.,
That surely is quite an important decision to make. First I would say that it is a decision both you and your fiance should make together. Second I feel you both must ask yourselves, individually and as a soon to be family unit, what it is you most want to accomplish with your wedding ceremony.

Certainly there is the obvious motivation, a sacred event in which your friends and family can share in your pledge of life long love and support of each other. That being said, is not your wedding ceremony the first event, public at that, signifying the foundation you two have and continue to build in the lives you will now be sharing together?

It doesn't sound like either of you have qualms with having a non religious ceremony. So then it comes down to which is the greater need, pleasing family members at the cost of your personal wishes, or to mark this one time occasion and present forth to each other and all present a statement of your true relationship, perhaps at the cost of family preference. It may be possible to accomplish both of these items. Many weddings are essentially a family affair, why should only you or they compromise? Is it possible for you both to compromise?

Another item to keep in mind is that should you choose to compromise and appease your family with a religious ceremony, are their separate beliefs going to conflict? Is it possible that compromising could add yet another layer to the problem, thereby pitting the parents against each other in their own religious wishes leaving you stuck in the middle over a matter that you didn't want in the first place?

You must decide for yourselves where the line is drawn. This must be chosen prior to speaking with your families, and can only be decided upon once you have decided, for yourselves, what you want to accomplish with your ceremony.

Once this decision is made by the two of you, you can present a united family unit and together lovingly explain to both your families what those boundaries are. After you've done that the responsibility falls on you to maintain those boundaries. What your families choose to do with that information and your conviction is up to them, and not something in your control. You must accept this.

Keep reminding yourself that you are on a wonderful path full of love and exciting new experiences. Though there are plenty of places to get sidetracked, your focus can always remain on those two simple words, "I do," and what that means for you and your future. All the rest is simply details.

I hope these words have proved helpful.

Lovingly, feenx
~ May your feet continue to step forward on your path ~